2020 has been a heck of a year, hasn’t it?
With so many things cancelled and so much uncertainty having over the future, I’ve found it hard to find my writing rhythm.
Trail By Fire
Partly it’s the story I’m working on: Trial By Fire. It’s meant to be the story of Dimitri and Verity from the From The Ashes series, but so far I’m finding the two stories don’t gel as well as I’d like. Perhaps they aren’t meant to. So I’m working through the issues as they arise. Yet to be honest, I’m struggling to give it and my writing the time it deserves.
Another part of it is that so much has happened in our family this year that writing is necessarily taking a back seat while we sort through everything and find a way forward.
And on the topic of finding a way forward I find myself turning toward otherworldly explanations to make sense of things.
Bad things come in threes? I hope not
You see, we’ve faced a lot of grief this year. Its only June and so far we’ve lost two family members. I keep waiting for that ‘third’ thing and hoping that things really don’t come in threes…
The next few paragraphs might be a little hard to take, but bear with me, because I’m talking about some ‘woo-woo’ moments. Those times when the only explanation can be that there is something more out there, something watching over us. I’m not religious–not in an organised religion way, in any case–but I have always believed that things happen for a reason and that suggests that I believe there is some other guiding force in the universe.
So here is my story… Ready?
In April my father-in-law recently passed away after a long battle with bowel cancer. When diagnosed, the doctors gave him 6 months to a year and you could tell from their manner they didn’t hold out much hope he’d see another Christmas. Well, not only did he see another Christmas, he lived another fifteen months after they did the stoma operation.
I’m glad we had that time with him though it was hard for him being such a big, larger than life man who came to Australia with nothing and left this world leaving a business, a family and so many friends, all with a good story to tell about his kindness and generosity, things he never ever mentioned to anyone else. We all knew this about him, but not how many people he touched with those gifts.
But this story is about the last week of his life. A week in which we watched him become more disorientated and feeble though he never lost his spirit.
Losing Gabriel
The eldest of seven children, Gabriel left Slovenia in the late 50’s and came to Austria with little more than a suitcase and a dream. He maintained phone contact with his sisters and brothers back in Slovenia and Germany, particularly in the last few months, yet in the last week or so he became disorientated and confused and could barely understand or be understood.
One afternoon, as my mother-in-law sat at his bedside he told her his youngest brother had passed away.
‘Jerzy died” he said.
‘No Gabriel,’ my mother-in-law replied. ‘Jerzy is still alive. He’s living in Germany.’
My father-in-law shook his head. ‘No. Jerzy died.’
That night she had a call from Willie, another brother, telling her Jerzy had died that day!
Two days later, on Easter Sunday, Gabriel passed away peacefully in his sleep.
Losing Alfie
About six weeks after my father-in-law passed we lost our beautiful dog, Alfie. He had a congenital heart defect so I always knew we’d be looking at some kind of medical intervention eventually. But not this… It was sudden, unexpected and incredibly traumatic. He’s left such a hole in our life. And coming so soon after losing Gabriel it was an absolute body blow. Alfie was my shadow, our child and our best buddy. All our activities were planned around what he enjoyed. He did everything with us. We still mourn him. Probably always will.
We began the search for another dog almost right away. Not that we felt we could replace Alfie, but the house and our hearts felt so empty.
After spending a weekend consoling ourselves with happy dog videos on YouTube, we started looking for breeders. First in South Australia and then farther afield. Just like hospital visits, vet appointments and funeral attendance, Covid-19 complicates matters further. The shelters are empty or off-limits. Many breeders have temporarily closed or are not planning litters until 2021, and most of the current or forthcoming litters are already spoken for. Even if we did get lucky, the border restrictions and limited flights mean there is no guarantee we could get the puppy.
I had just about reconciled myself to not having another dog until next year when my husband heard of two border collies for sale in regional Lameroo. (Border collies, Springer spaniels and Brittany spaniels were our preferred breed given our circumstances). He rang, secured a pup (subject to meeting him though we knew we’d take him regardless), and told me we were doing 500km round trip to pick him up. I wasn’t ready for another dog. But I wasn’t going to deny my husband another best buddy either.
And here is the woo-woo part…
When we got the paperwork we discovered that Cooper (as we’ve called him) was born on Easter Sunday.
Someone looking out for us…
So I guess there is something out there looking out for us. Out of all that heartache something beautiful has come. We have a lovely, lively puppy to keep us on our toes, our bond with my mother-in-law has never been stronger, and the entire family learned more about a man we thought we knew intimately.
In a way, I guess 2020 has been our own Trail By Fire.
I hope that little story was uplifting and not a trigger for you. It’s been a heck of a year for us all so far, but I guess that means it can only get better. Right?
I consider myself a reformed academic who discovered fiction writing was preferable to the real world. My love of suspense fiction is thoroughly indulged through writing novels and short stories about Fractured Families and Killer Secrets. My novels have been nominated for the Ned Kelly Award and semi-finaled in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, and my short stories have been included in several anthologies including the Anthology of Award Winning Australian Writing. I also review my favourite books, interview fellow writers, and blog about books and writing.
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